Thursday, January 26, 2017



I've never had a big group of friends. And that's perfectly fine because I've never wanted that. I enjoy plenty of alone time. Some people get their energy from others, some get theirs from being alone. I must have been programmed for the latter, since I'm an only child. I have a difficult time being around large groups. I tend to sink into the background, and become overwhelmed when there are too many conversations going on at once.

They say friends are the family you choose, and I've always done my best to choose wisely. I guess this makes it hard to get to know me. Keeping a safe distance from classmates and co-workers has in some ways hindered me. I've often wondered if people think I'm hiding something, or if I'm just a royal snob ("the truth is, it's not you it's me." No, really though). But in other ways, this predisposition has affirmed my reasoning for cherishing the few friends I do have. Cultivating meaningful relationships takes time and effort, and I'd rather spend my energy on the people who have been there to witness and support me through some of the hardest times in my life. There's a certain intimacy in that, and I crave anything that feels real over the contrived. That's not to say I'm opposed to meeting new people and making new friends. I can get along with almost anybody. I definitely have space in my heart, but I enter into new relationships with caution.



All of my girlfriends are different, but their friendship means the same to me. Most of them have children now, and getting together to catch up isn't as easy as it used to be. It takes a certain amount of planning and consideration, which is honestly not a big deal. During my bout with serious depression last year, I wanted to hide from everybody, including my best friend. I would make excuses for cancelling a get-together, but then would spend hours in bed feeling sick about essentially lying. I felt like a fraud and a failure, a bad person. My fears were irrational, but I let them win every damn time. Isolation is NOT the same as alone time, and the disconnect between my friends and I made me even more depressed. It's a vicious cycle.



Now that I'm in a better place, I look forward to spending time with friends in whatever capacity that allows. Coffee dates, lunches, getting together to BBQ on the weekends...I'll take it! Even making sure to send a text to see how their day is going makes an impact. I'll admit that things have changed since we all got married and started our own families. We've entered into a new stage of friendship, the "new normal" as I like to call it. Life will try to keep us in our respective corners, but it's important to remember that your girlfriends provide you with comfort and advice that spouses simply cannot. There's an unspoken truth that binds us as women, and in some ways as we get older, I think we will need each other more than ever. My mom is a prime example. She is divorced and has no plans of getting remarried. I used to worry sick of something happening to her, but now that she has her best friend living in her home, I can rest assured that at least she has company. I find this to be true with many older women, and it never ceases to amaze me the level of relief that a friend can provide in different stages of life. As much as I love spending most of my time with Nate, I can't forget about making time for the people that were there before him. Don't ever underestimate the power of girlfriends. 💗


15 comments:

  1. girlfriends really are the best, I would be lost without mines to be honest.

    xo
    Pinksole

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  2. I agree 100% There's nothing like the female bond with our closest women...whether it's girlfriends, sisters, mothers, etc. I don't need a lot of friends either, just a few choice golden ones. :)
    Gina || On the Daily Express

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    1. A few choice golden ones is all we need :) That could be a title to a book!

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  3. Girlfriends are SO important. I always find so many similarities between the way we think when I read what you write :-) I also prefer smaller groups - and I'm very aware of people's energy, so I only let a few people into my inner circle...but the ones I do, I love knowing that I can turn to them anytime ... and it's amazing how a simple lunch date with great conversation (and some venting) leaves me recharged and ready to handle all the challenges that come my way!

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    1. Absolutely! I'll be having a bad day and just venting to a friend is so cathartic! Thank you for always leaving such thoughtful comments

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  4. I do miss having my BFF close. When I could pick up the phone and randomly set up a midday shopping trip. Life definitely complicates that! Blogging and Pilates has filled that female bonding void in my life and for that, I am thankful since the majority of my close close friends are miles away! I definitely agree that estrogen support is needed regardless of how much we love our hubbies! And I agree with Kristi. You have a great way with words!
    Carylee | http://morepiecesofme.com

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    1. Oh I know, my best friend lives an hour away and even though that really isn't far, it seems like we are in different states at times! I'm happy you have blogging and Pilates to help you feel connected. I love our friendship:)

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  5. you are so correct Noelle, friendships are important. I'm a very extrovert person and tend to have many ppl around me. But there are few that I call my good friends. As close as I am to my hubby I need my female support system as well.

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    1. Yes, there's nothing quite like a close girlfriend:)

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  6. Girl I love this! I relate to all of these traits in so many ways. Maybe we will meet one day and get to chat about them. Also I still hope you'll take the Money Method course one day and join Money Talks with us! So many wonderful women!

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  7. So well said. I am a person who likes alone time too, but it can be a fie line if I am not careful. Isolation is not the same like you said. Good relationships are so important and so life giving.

    Amy Ann
    Straight A Style

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  8. I've been meaning to read this post since I saw it on your IG, but I was still in the hospital and then the first week of being home with a newborn sucked up all my time :P I definitely agree with you. Time with girlfriends are important and we need that time once in a while or how do we stay sane? I'm just like you. I can thrive on a conversation with one or two people but big groups can be overwhelming. It's true that as we all get older and everyone gets married, have kids, get a new job, move away etc. and we don't get to hangout with our girlfriends as often or things are not quite the same as we used to be, but once you get that time together, you all just pick up where you left off. I think that's the most amazing thing ever, and really shows how deep and meaningful your friendship really is :)

    I'm so glad to hear that you're in a good place! I consider you a friend Noelle and when I'm in CA, we should have a coffee date ;)

    Xo, Terri

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Thank you for commenting! I read each and every one, and do my best to answer questions or return the favor on your blog. Interaction is my favorite part <3